Thursday, April 30, 2009

Ramayana By a teenage Dude!!!!

Today i received this email in my Inbox,  laughed reading it and agreed that it is bound to happen. This actually is happening and is true to the core ,leave US in India too many would not know what Gita and ramayana is ??

Or rather the difference between Ramayana and Mahabharat.This happens to kids who dont have enough exposure to hindi and their religion.

Hindi these days is disappearing altogether and people who speak hindi are considered so LS or rather down market.You would agree with me that your counterparts at work , or colleagues or friends who cant speak english well are not considered as equals .Aint It??

 And what to say about religion ..thanks to B.R .chopra and Ramanand sagar  -for the Ramayana and Mahabharata atleast some of us know the difference .

Ramayana - narrated by a teenage dude...

A young second generation Indian in the 
US was asked by his mother to
explain the significance of 'Diwali' to his younger brother, this is how
he went about it....

' So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.
But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced
her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national
forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had
monkeys and devils and shit like that. But
this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe
(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his
bro, Laxman, pissed...... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you
don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude,
don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...
so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and
gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they
decided to hitch a ride back home... and when  the people realize that
our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you
know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any
bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was
pretty cooool...

you know with all those fireworks... Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding..., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler
and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.'

Killing English..........

Does it sound familiar??? Have u ever heard such Killing ----yena rascallllaaaaa Inglis(English)...........

 Case 1: Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel
pulling cigerette... ? "

 Case 2: Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

 Case 3: once Hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to America.."


Case 5: Dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be
fallen down.....

 Case 6: it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried
to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said "
why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

Case 7: teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!!

Case 8:  "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

 Case 9: My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids"

Case 10 :  "I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and
erased the board

Case 11: "will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"


Case 13:  Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and
marry my daughter"

Case 14:  Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

Case 15 :  "why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

Case 16:  Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I
understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Case 17 :  Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My quest -for desk mess

I failed ,2 and a half hour ...
I thought it should look good actually wanted some different look for it. Thought coffee ,diary,books would all give it a perfect look. So i was all game . The best option google .Finally got one after searching and going through many links . Now the question was which one is the exact match . Oh here it was the perfect match   . And i was so content that ya  this is the one which i needed. 
Its so easy , i downloaded  then  uploaded the image to photobucket,the rest was just to replace it . 
So i clicked the button once  - ERROR,
 clicked the button second time - Xml error,
 third time :Allow blocked content .
Fourth time the light went off.
waited for sometime was quite eager.
After 5 min current was back 
I again logged in but nothing good .
Thought lemme try on the laptop 
i switched it ON , logged in beep beep beep :switch to Power source immediately
searched for the cord -whenever you require something badly you would never get on time . Cord was stuffed in the drawer.
Back to surfing.
 Try downloadinng seven seconds download time -yuppy i was just about to view it.
so i waited and waited and waited finally after 5minutes stretched to 10 minutes (speed -o god  the speed was so slow)
 just a millisecond remaining and Guess what :
Finally Gave up the  idea of uploading  "Desk - Mess" blogger template ever.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Hari Sadu's --

In my little span of  interaction with corporate world ,have spent maximum time   with this specie  called Boss. This specie comes in different shapes ,sizes, gender,colour,temprament .The only thing common to them is The Tag- I am the Boss. 

To begin with  specie 1:  

Insecure , Incompetent and Saduuuuuuuu is the  category, which harasses the most.They are the most in secure types ,dont know what is going to happen and what they are going to do in life .Its sheer luck that they are the Boss else they are good for nothing.
They have this thing called I am the Boss syndrome,which they want to showcase whenever they get a chance. They generally take credit of their subordinates work. This charecterstic is common in most of these species,its very rare that you find some exception.These cheesers are mean ,want to get the work done ,miser,and Meri awaz suno Kinds.
Had one such Boss who whenever we went out for meetings followed by lunches,would never use to pay.This guy generally use to leave the table when the Bill came "Excuse me  i need to have a Fag" or Excuse me i need to go the wash room", or heights- "Need to wash my hands ".
He was one of a kind who's  dialect,pronounciation,grammer was out of the world. "More " he use to pronounce as "Morae",
Dude as "duets",Vodka as "oddka".
Once he shouted on our team   saying " lets all shit together for the meeting".God that was the moment we were waiting for ,we just laughed our heart out.The entire meeting he was a bit nervous but as you know these kinds he was ready with an answer that "It was mistakenly tongue slipper".
Lots I can write one more i remember was " Sorry for the delay "(read as dalay"), and also Insted of saying "Further to our conversation" he said "Father to our conversation " and the client was all confused as to whose father he was talking about.
Meetings generaly have to be b/w 9.00 to 9.30 when entire office came at 10.And he never used to come at the said time. The Rules were so different for his team as if we were working as bonded labours.
He liked his ego to be massaged everytime and we were those bunch of   hooligans who gave a deaf   ear to him.
I was so happy when my Boss changed but how can God bless me with a good Boss here is the next category

Ms /Mr Sadist and Paranoid: This category You should not interrupt when am Talking .I am Always right. Oh i can fall sick and need not to be disturbed at home But how dare u fall sick ,oh you are the one who always fall sick  , and atleast do the follow up with the client at home any which ways you are justing resting.- Irony is the Boss herself/himself  shows up 20 days out of 30.
These kinds are street smart, diplomat to the core, the right hand doesnt know what left hand is doing .They are all so GagGa about themself ,love to hear self praise.Cheery is they are the biggest miser and love to hog on others food . We generally call our  boss "Sukdi X" .X is a colleague of mine who loves to eat and only eat whatever and in any quantity.They would never talk about the deal untill an unless finalized coz it might not just go through if they talk about. They would always use the tried and tested  option whether they would work or not.And last but not the least would always show themselve Busy,would never come to office on time ,usually absent for the meetings. Luck always favours them and never me.
The day i used to be late she was there early  and shouting "where are you ??? If a client of mine did not  renew the subscription  it was my lack of service  and incompetence  that the client didnt paid,but if  it was her client -Oh that client is so mean ,is a bitch, is just tring his luck and all those bull shits.
If i didnot do my numbers i was losing interest,but if it was she -Oh the market is bad.
If i donot follow up wih Client coz am a human and sometimes can forget i am so  careless ,ruining my career, my appraisals,but Boss doesnt follow up coz its not that important  or You should not pester him girl.And the biggest curse that i have a car and Madam needs  to be  picked and dropped from her calls  .Chipko Bosses.

This is  the Rarest  Specie :
 Friendly Bosses.: They help you with your work,sometime the work loads.They would cheer youup when you are gloomy.Motivation comes to them by default. They make task easier for you.They consider you HUMAN - you have a life to live. Belief in subordinates comes to them naturally.Proffesional at work and Pals at Party kinds.
I had the privilage of havimg such Boss. Really helped our team whenever we were in some Mess or short of targets.
We enjoyed,argued, had lots of  disagreements,but it was our team who achieved the numbers come what may.The Best was- we went for a call afterthe call  i had to buy a formal shirt for me ,so i told him fearing what would he say. Shopping at office Hours is a Big NO NO every where but it was 5:30 so thought to have a sneak peak.Ok he  said but dont reach office before 6:30 as i too need to  buy a saree for my sis's bday.
Oh i was amazed to hear that.Lolsss I really enjoyed those days appraisals,targets - The worst was our team was given the highest  targets all the time " By Gods Grace we all ended up earning our incentives."
The other categories are :
The sophiticated Mute -Subordinates overpower them ,They are like our President .They have no choice .

The Coffee Lovers- The maximum time they spend is at a  coffee joint with their subordinates. We would work later if required hehehehhe.And why do you want to work i should find myself a different job .

To sum up :I am  lucky to have worked with Hari saddu's coz -

Learning from experience is a faculty almost never practiced. 
Discalimer :
This write up is a piece of fiction and bears no resemblance to any person (Boss) dead or  alive .

Monday, April 27, 2009

Things are to be used and people are to be loved...

We just tend to forget this in our daily humdrums...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Cheers to...

Am in a positive frame of mind today and happy too. 

So cheers ...
To a new beginning
To a lovely day to start off 
To the content feeling
To the love of my life...
For sweet nothings
For a beaming confidence
To Almighty
For missing you already
For the good times spent 
To the first time good rajma i cooked
To the arugument with the bosses
To the Mess around me..
And last but noth the least 
To the First Scotch..

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

DON in the making !!!!

I  went for a call today as usual -Being a Sales Proffessional, Glorified Key Account Manager as we are.
My profiles involves client meeting - the HR and the Decision makers of the company.So here i  was meeting the  Director of a company into Manufacturing ,construction and varied fields.
Everyone in the company said Oh you have come to meet " S  bhai " . The very first time i knew of someone calling their director BHAI.
Thought am i meeting some don or Bhai  umhhh lets see? who he is actually ? In the 5 minutes i was told to wait i made a picture in my mind . He might be some old director and as usual stuff and Bhai these guys are calling so, he mite be really Like veerappan .I was in the midst of my thoughts of the DON ,and i saw everyone standing up from the guards to the receptionist to the people in the cubicle,Exports division .I did not realize as to why they all stood up together. I asked the reception what 's happening ? Reply was S bhai is coming ? Oh my my so here was the DON coming up.
A white Merc stopped just outside the Main building a chauffer came out opened the door and here he was. I must say he had an aura , a majestic charm. A tall Man in his 40's came out wearing a blue suite and Black pointed shoes .He was all charged up for the day. As soon as he came in wished everyone  a loud Good Morning .I was oh he is not the type of DON  i imagined but let see . I have a meeting with him in next 5 minutes to be exact.
I was called in , i knockedthe door  - and Opened it silghtly ,but there was no one , i opened the door a little more and tilted my neck to see in  -a huge huge cabin and a person sitting at one corner ona kings chair like his throne .
Oh now i entered and was gestured to sit without any words .
Every thing was huge about this cabin. A rectangle table  with six chairs all on one side and a huge chair rather his hrone on the other side.
As  I sat, i was like a miniscule creature in front of the giant .Just behind his throne was a huge skin of lion / tiger on the wall. There was this deer on either side of the skin.
 on the wall.
I finally came back to him and started myconversation . In between our discussion i was continuosly distracted by something ,i could not keep my mind off it. 
Finally i finshed my meeting in 10 minutes orrather 7 minutes. He spoke so less and said the work would be done .
The thing which distracted me was the diamonds he was wearing oh god big diamonds and was moving his fingers in a circular motion on the desk. It was not a single diamond rather eight diamond in different fingers and that too solitaire. I just prayed god that he had not seen me greedily watching his diamonds. 
Well one more thing about DON -when we were negotiating for the products and the pricing ,he said i generally dont write anything but once i have written something than there is no going back .And I am known for that in the entire business Class.To my dismay the amount was much leser than i expected. I had no choice but to accept what he decided coz we could not afford to lose the client like this.
At the same time  a phone came up and he said ohi must introduce you to my vendors and they wouldhelp you. SO here i was getting one mor client with his help.
I thanked him and left.
All my way back i was pondering upon how such people run the business world  or are these the only one who can run the business.There are Ambani's ,tata's , Firodias, Hinduja's and heeranandani's who are so different - kindof persona . And there are some DON kinds which i got to meet today. Well i must say he can be the next DON in the making if he leaves all his business and joins the underworld.

Come In!!! :D

This incident happend with one of my friend RK.

Its a daily routine for many in sales to sit or rather kill time at CCD ,barista, mocha .It generally gives you a feeling of being busy the entire day :)
So Mr.Rk was sitting in the CCD and having his  Grande latte,and chit chatting with other colleagues.The place was buzzing with all college going students.
And there was this smart female sitting bang oppositte Mr.Rk.Though our RK  is a good guy but stll single and ready to mingle .
Now there happened some  exchange of glances and smiles. Our dear RK was garden garden.
He was at his best  for the time being ,all sophisticated and oh i dont give a damn look kinda attitude.
After sometime this guy of our went to the loo and suddenly there was a knock knock .
Knock Knock.knock knock...
Pestered he opens the door with an angry look and to his dismay was this lady he was trying to hit on.
Oh gosh..
Lady :Excuse  me I want to wash my hands.
Our dear RK was in a midst of thoughts and said 
: Oh Come in Why Not ??
As soon as he completed this sentnce both were just  shocked as to where to go?
That girl just grabbed her bag and ran away.
And our dear K was left Zapped!!
Why does it happen to me Only ????Could nt she wait ?
Why the Hell did i Say Come In ??

Poor Guy ,
Would  think twice before saying Come In .

Monday, April 20, 2009

Daily ramblings...

These days am doing much of thinking, reading ...
a) trying to complete-You are here
b) More bloging at Indiblogger
c) Reading more about elections umhhhhhh intellectual me ( Lolss)
d)Worrying more about when would we start working again ..(office office)
e)Also analysing the option if i could write something good ( dont know when)
f) Less gossiping 
g) oh ya i went for a girls night out ..was fun after along time
h) Travelling and travelling from pune to kota -Agra - kota - nagda- pune ,God am completly tanned.
i)More into nutritious food and less oily stuff .
j) Enjoying evenings sitting with a book and coffee ,love the breeze and the sunset.
k)last but not the least waiting for my Bday!!!!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

continued ..have u got a chance

it was early morning yes 6:35 when my door bell rang..
my maid came in i got my newspaper and started going through to see whats going on in elections which all places have elections whats hot and whats not ???
what all ways  parties were luring (read as fooling ) the amm janta - heard  some parties were devoting (religously :))money ,others were keen on liqour .
Was really shocked to know one entire village didnot exercised vote -reason there was no road to that village , no electricity either- totell you the truth was happy that serves the politicians right ..but then thought that they could have used their vote to rope in the right person..That aint so easy though.In the meanwhile my maid interrupted 
maid : Didi aap kya sochrahe ho subah subah??
me : kuch nahin elections hein na  us barein mein 
 me : kya tum vote dogi
maid :pata nahin alecson(election)ke bare mein kuch. aa gaye kya chunav
me :haan
maid : abhi pata nahin pada woh log ghar nahin aaye na 
me : Kaun Log (which people ??)
Maid :wahi jo naam likhawane aate hein
me : to kya tuhara naam pata abhi tak registered( she understood the meaning hehehheheh)  nahin hein 
maid : mere aadmi ka he mera nahin aur kya pharak padta hein hum log bote (vote) de ya nahin 
me : nahin baiji aapko vote dena chahiye aap ja kar apna naam likhwaye .
maid : agar mere ko kuch rupya paisa denge to phir hum sab jayenge truck mein bith kar..nahin to mein time khoti nahin karoongi..

i thought i am trying in vain and left that matter their....

have u got a chance ???

Conversation at the office in the lunch time :

elections ,votes,campaigns, new videos ,party slogans...every other person is talking about elections. 
person1 : Which party would you vote for? 
 Are you going to vote ???
person 2: umhhhhhh nahin yaar not this time ..
i have not voted yet 
 person 1 :not even a single time 
person 2: nope yaar
person 1: why??
person 2:chance nahin mila ... when i was studying it didnot mattered at all as in who want to vote for these dirty politicians .

person 1: oh
person 1 : then came out for studies so never knew when the elections were..there were other things of more interests than voting..
 and now i am in my job so you see busy ,but now i feel its been 10 years that i have voted ...
so i decided to vote this time but to my dismay i am still away from my home town and cant vote again.
peron 1 : so why dont you register on jaago re and get your ward transferred?
person 2:tried but was so confused about the ward and on top of that registration was such a tedious process .
person 1: umhh so now 
person 2: kuch nahin would wait for another  elections. might be lucky at that time.

The point to ponder over was that this might be the condition of many of us. 70% of the educated population doesnot vote. And we talk about dirty politics and the politicians their education ...
We talk about"Its India " nothing would change " how can we ..when we  remain in our own coccon and comforts and do not bother to use our right ..